A small research boat rocks gently in the infinite blue. The sky is overcast and the cracks in the clouds where the sun shines through paint the sea in bright glimmering splotches. There are 5 researchers on board, and one captain at the helm, cigarette in hand. Below the deck, 4 researchers are huddled together, fine-tuning various devices. Amidst them stands a husky console with a dark screen and a keyboard in front. The otherwise dark room is lit up by two circular windows, one on either side of the boat. One researcher stands on the starboard, a pair of large black binoculars held to his eyes, scanning the horizon.
Humpback whales have been observed creating rings of bubbles nearby human vessels, hypothesized to be attempts at communication. After sufficient data collection, a rudimentary translator could be constructed. Using cameras installed on the front, back and sides of the boats, the bubble rings can be recorded and decoded. The resulting message is displayed on the console screen. Hooked onto the front of a boat there is a small metal box, with a circular ring extending from the top. The console's keyboard allows the researchers to type their own messages, which are then translated into bubble rings. This is the first time the translator will be tested.
It is not long before a group of dark shapes are seen breaching the surface, a few hundred meters away. With the turn of a key the motor begrudgingly stirs to life, and the boat grumbles as it accelerates towards the whales. It is not long before the boat joins in along the pod. As the pod begins to slow, the boat likewise begins to slacken. Eventually, both the pod and the boat come to a halt; waiting.
A message is inputted into the console.
"HELLO!"
A column of bubbles rise from in front of the boat.
Eventually, some bubbles ripple the surface some 20 meters away. The monitor screen flashes to life.
"HELLO"
The researchers huddle around the console and chatter excitedly. The researcher on the starboard rushes down the narrow staircase to the bottom floor. A short discussion later, a message is decided on.
"HOW ARE YOU DOING?"
Bubbles rise up around the front of the boat. In response ring of bubbles rises somewhere behind the boat. The monitor flashes.
"OKAY"
Rings of bubbles billow to the right. The screen is lit up once again.
"HOW ARE YOU"
After a brief moment of clacking at the keyboard, bubbles surge from the front of the boat.
"WE'RE DOING GREAT!"
Midway through typing out a new message, another ring of bubbles breaches the surface to the left of the boat and the monitor flickers.
"WHY"
Several confused looks are exchanged before a new text is written out and bubbles rise up from in front of the boat.
"SORRY, WE DON'T UNDERSTAND."
More bubbles billow up from the left.
"WHY DONT YOU LISTEN"
The researchers murmur at one another, as confusion turns to concern. An answer is typed out on the keyboard, and bubbles rise up at the front of the boat.
"WE ARE LISTENING."
A large column of bubbles swells the surface to the right. The monitor flares with a new message.
"MY DAUGHTERS FACE WAS SLICED OPEN BY A PROPELLOR"
"SHE CRIED FOR HOURS BEFORE DROWNING"
"YOU NEVER LISTENED"
Before the researchers could type up some kind of reply, a second surge of bubbles rises from the front of the boat.
"MY MOTHER WAS HARPOONED AND DRAGGED AWAY"
"I FOLLOWED FOR DAYS AND BEGGED FOR HER TO BE RETURNED"
"YOU NEVER LISTENED"
Another ring of bubbles ripple the surface.
"MY BROTHER GOT TANGLED IN A NET"
"I CALLED OUT FOR WEEKS AS HE STARVED"
"YOU NEVER LISTENED"
Then another spout of bubbles rose. And then another. And then yet another. Now the entire surface of the water was swelling with bubbles and the console screen started flickering with text that changed far too rapidly for anyone to read. The ocean itself began to a boil as more and more bubbles breached the surface and more and more messages flashed on the screen. The bubbles continued to rise and the surface continued to swell and the monitor continued to glow. The text began to blur into a single, continuous glow and the sea gargled and frothed and churned.
click
Silence. The console had been turned off. After a pause, one of the researchers grabs a pen and ploddingly begins writing in a document.
RESULTS: Inconclusive
Further testing not necessary
And no one would ever listen.